Preserving More Than Jam: Holding On to My Sense of Self and Worth After Job Loss
To start, I should mention: I had never made jam or canned a single thing in my life. I had a moment of panic after the first class, thinking, “I’m in over my head.” But honestly, I’ve had that same thought at the start of nearly every cooking course I’ve taken. And yet, by following the instructors and the recipes, I’ve mostly succeeded. There have been some disasters—like a complete fail with homemade mayonnaise (still on my to-retry list)—but overall, I’ve come out of each course with more skills and confidence.
This week’s assignment was to make jam and preserve it in 250 mL jars. I chose to make strawberry jam. That alone felt like an achievement, considering how new this all is to me. First of all, it required way more sugar than I expected—though our chef had warned us this would happen, since we weren’t using added pectin. The ingredients were simple: strawberries, sugar, and lemon. I followed the instructions, but my jam stayed runny. I didn’t realize that this was normal while it’s still hot on the stove. Eventually, after using the frozen plate test to check the texture, I convinced myself it was thick enough to jar. Thankfully, it set up nicely as it cooled—not the commercial thickness I’m used to, but a lovely, authentic texture.
That probably sounds smoother than it felt in the moment. Midway through, I was full of doubt and anxiety. Was this ever going to thicken? Had I just wasted three containers of strawberries? I tried to stay calm and problem-solve. I added a bit more sugar (I had started on the low end of the range), more lemon juice, and finally grated in some apple, which our instructor had mentioned as a natural pectin source. Finally—success. But I mention the stress because it’s part of the story. There were doubts all along the way.
Now, onto the canning. I had to buy the supplies: a large stainless-steel pot tall enough to fully submerge the jars, a jar rack, a jar lifter, a wide-mouth funnel, a magnetic lid lifter—and of course, the jars.
I followed my instructions closely, but I’ll be honest: I made mistakes. As a perfectionist, that’s tough to accept. I’m my own harshest critic. And lately, that inner critic has been louder than usual. Did I make the right decision taking the voluntary buyout to avoid a layoff? Should I have accepted the job I recently turned down, even though the commute would have been brutal? I second-guess myself constantly. So yes—I expected myself to ace jam-making on the first try, which is probably an impossible standard.
But let’s start with what I got right: I washed all my jars, lids, and rings in warm soapy water. I sterilized the jars in boiling water for 10 minutes. But here’s where I slipped up—I boiled the lids and rings too (you shouldn’t), filled the jars but forgot to remove air bubbles before sealing, didn’t verify my elevation (which requires extra boiling time above 1,000 feet—I’m above), and removed the jars with a slight tilt (also a no-no). Afterward, I felt shaky and stressed. I cleaned up, stepped outside, and waited. I heard a few “pops” from the kitchen—signs the jars were sealing.
After 24 hours, I checked and saw that only two of the four jars had sealed. I placed the two unsealed ones in the fridge to use right away, and labeled and stored the two that had sealed properly.
My first instinct was to be hard on myself. But then I thought—wait a minute. A week ago, I had never canned anything in my life. Now I had made my own preservative-free strawberry jam, sourced and purchased all the tools, learned a new technique, and successfully preserved two jars. That’s a huge accomplishment. Growth has growing pains, and self-doubt is part of that. But so is pride. As I labeled and tucked away those first jars, I felt a spark of it.
Also, a note on cost: I used good strawberries—$5 per 500g—along with granulated sugar and a lemon. All in, about $18 in ingredients (not counting canning supplies, which I consider a sunk cost). That yielded four full jars and a bit extra I didn’t bottle. So that’s under $4 per jar of homemade, fresh fruit, preservative-free jam. Pretty good value—especially compared to processed store-bought versions. I’ll definitely be making jam again.
Lastly, if you’re considering trying this yourself, please consult a reliable source or take a class. Preserving is a skill, and food safety is serious business.
Photo: My jam-making process. Taken by me.
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